The Big Bad "B" word.....

Ah BALANCE! (What did you think I was going to say? My Breaking Bad shawl isn't quite ready to release, yet, haha!). Balance- it is one of those tricky words, and one of those pesky things that has to be just so, otherwise, lots of things seem to topple down, and fast. The last 2 months of 2015 saw me furiously knitting and working away to meet pre-Christmas deadlines, publication deadlines, baking, Holiday making, and a healthy dose of mommy-guilt that led to a few all-night knitting marathons to crank out a second stuffed "Leonard" kitty for a child who waited till the last possible minute to voice his desire for a stuffed knitted cat that looked like our kitty, Leonard. It was NUTS. And when the fog finally cleared, I noticed that penned in my calendar, just a mere three weeks away, was my work conference, TNNA, and I had nothing planned. That was kind of the tipping point for me, and I realized that I was missing some very necessary balance in my life, and that if all I did was work, I was missing out on the beautiful moments and connections that come with being home with my littles. I did a lot of work, learning, and digging into what I really wanted out of this business of mine, and determined that at the root of everything, I wanted JOY. If something wasn't bringing me joy, I wanted to re-evaluate it, and determine why, and what I could do about it. I started viewing my submissions more critically, was I really inspired by this call, or was I just doing it for the sake of having something to send in? That's already made a huge difference in my submissions and acceptances so far, this year, hint, hint! I looked at the flow of my day, and realized there were things I was doing that just were a waste of time, and quite frankly, did not make me happy, or leave me feeling satisfied. I invested in a nice planner, which keeps me on track and motivated. I started carving time out of my weekend to really think about our meals and plan them out (which I've learned is vital when you have a kiddo with as many food allergies as mine does! there is not just quick throw together a meal at the end of the day). And, the plus side is, daddy then knows what is for dinner, what the ingredients are, and he can help with the dinner prep if I need to squeeze in some work time once he gets home.
I remember when I was a "new mom", and I was devouring Dr. Sears' books- the whole concept of Attachment Parenting just really clicked for me- but I'll never forget reading through his list of "B's" (I think there are 7? Mommy brain!). One of those important B's essential to Attachment Parenting was BALANCE. Basically, you can't spend every second 24/7 attached and giving to your child- you need sleep, to eat, and to have a moment to be an adult, refresh and build up yourself. I couldn't quite figure out why that was so important at that time, but after a couple of non-sleep willing children, it made sense. To avoid the "mom zombie" and to actually enjoy my children, I needed to make sure I had sleep (even if it was a nap during the day, or achieved by going to bed earlier that I desired), that I was eating (that can be easy to forget when you are constantly feeding others) and that I had a moment to myself- whatever that moment looked like, even if it was just flipping through a magazine with my my iPod blasting in my ears while sitting on top of the dryer because the laundry room was the only place nobody else would venture into, including daddy......
Sometimes balance seems like this absolutely convoluted notion that somebody somewhere dreamed up. But, in reality, it really is something that I put into practice everyday, even if it is simply being "off balanced". The easiest way for me to realize that something is out of whack is how I respond to even the simplest requests- I want to enjoy spending time with my kids, not view it as a chore. If I'm counting down the seconds for my husband to get home from work and then chewing his head off because he walked in the door 5 minutes "late", then I'm off balance somewhere. I'm either saying yes to too many things, or I'm not investing time into myself in some capacity during the day (or I skipped lunch, or didn't get enough coffee....). So, I've developed a "Challenge" and I hope that you decide to join me! I'm starting a #15minuteChallenge, every day, I'm going to spend 15 minutes doing something that brings me joy- not work related, not kid related, just time for me to refill so that I have more energy, love, joy and patience to give. I'm enjoying taking the time, and space, in my planner to come up with things that bring me joy, that create a life that I'm excited about and that fill me up so that I can fill up those around me. I'm finding that in taking the time to enjoy the things that inspire me, my kids are also finding the time to explore, create and learn what makes them happy, what resets their batteries, even the baby enjoys spending the time reading his books to himself, the way that he wants. I hope that you join me on this journey, I'll be posting some of my #15minuteChallenge activities on Instagram (my username is DoulaKnitter in case you aren't following me there!), and you can always share here on my blog.
Balance- it really isn't all that bad, but it can be hard to achieve. And the really great thing about it is, that once you get all the plates settled and just so, something comes along to knock it off kilter just the slightest, causing you to have to reset. If you take just 15 minutes to meditate, breathe, read, relax, you will be able to handle moving things around a lot easier....just ask me how I know ;) I can't wait to share in this journey with you.

~Jessica